On December 28 a new baby was born. This baby looked like any other baby, precious and innocent. It was from that point forward that Penelope promised herself, for her baby’s sake, that she would be the model of the loyal and prudent wife. Penelope was extremely concerned about what others would think of her raising her baby son by herself, so she was determined to have the perfect son in the world, for whom she named Narcissus.
Penelope developed an itinerary that Narcissus would follow everyday and he begun to be a little prince charming. Narcissus’ day usually consisted of getting up, eating breakfast, reading in the morning for a few hours, only books that would increase his intelligence, doing schoolwork in his den with his personal teacher, having lunch, reading some more, and then finishing up with some dinner and an early bedtime. The other strange habit at this point in his life was that throughout the day, his mother would catch him staring at himself in the mirror and talking to himself as if there was an imaginary friend in the mirror who carried the exact replica of himself. Penelope was afraid to let her boy go outside and play with all the other kids because she thought his mind would be corrupted, but secretly another reason she had this deep down horror that Narcissus would run off and fall in love, just as she did when she was very young. She thought be keeping him inside and cut off from the outside world, she was doing him a favor and keeping herself at a low risk of losing her son.
Narcissus did not even notice that he did not have any friends or enemies until he was around the age of 13, at this point he had his house cleaner sneak some other novels into the house for fun and enjoyment. Penelope would not even allow him to watch television for fear his mind would be soiled with crime and corruption. It was the day that the house cleaner snuck in a Teen Magazine that Narcissus knew something was missing. He flipped over the pages for the first time in amazement. Looking at everyone looking back at him, he did not know what to think, except pure and utter disgust and threw the magazine away.
Because Narcissus did not know any better and secluded from the outside world, began to hate anyone and everyone except himself. At this point, he still had an obsession with staring at himself in the mirror but now it had escaladed to the point that this started taking over the better half of his day. Narcissus became so infatuated with his own image he even began to dispise his own mother. The day came when he refused to talk to anyone and remained in his own lonesome side of the house. His love for himself was overpowering and he was officially refusing to share his love with anyone else so he fell in love with his own image.
It is now understood why Narcissus lived a long life empty without friendships and strong family love. His mother babied him and sheltered his so much that Narcissus did not learn how to love another individual and all he was left with was himself. This is often the case if one is not exposed early as a child how to get along with other kids, share toys, run around on the playground, and build strong bond together. The bond of many is far stronger than an individual alone.
I chose Narcissus and Penelope as my two modern day characters because they are almost opposing in there view points and strategies on life. Penelope is trying to be the almighty mother, painting the perfect picture for her son, but in reality ends up sheltering him and he turns against her in the end. Narcissus he yet to be exposed to a normal life and therefore ends up hating everyone he comes to look at except himself, he actually begins to fall in love with him own image at an early age. I found the employment of a metaphor a little challenging because the story did not really fall into place until I started writing it. I chose my point of view to be in third person because it felt easiest to tell the story. I feel this would be quite an easy and understandable read for almost any age. I did not chose to include dialogue because I felt this was more looking in on a family, telling a story that is almost imaginative, instead of up close and personal. The most challenging part of the assignment was trying to figure out what my myth was going to revolve around and what characters I wanted to use and who would fit well together.
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3 comments:
I LOVE KALI
Your story was definitely amusing, and followed our prompt very well. I really got a feel for Narcissus’ obsession with his own image through your descriptions. The way in which you present the changes in Narcissus’ day, from reading and learning to obsessing over his own image, was smooth and well done. You did a good job of incorporating modern day objects as well, such as the Teen magazine. It really stuck out in my mind, and did a great job of telling the reader the time frame of the myth. You also did a great job of building up to your theme at the end, which tied every detail of the story together.
I would be cautious of tense changes and run on sentences though. There are a few points in your story where you use the present tense, and then switch to past tense which was a little confusing. The run on sentences became evident in your reading during class as well, such as the fourth sentence of the second paragraph. Anytime that you can smoothly break a sentence into two or more sentences, I would consider doing it. There are also some incomplete sentences in your story that detracted from its effectiveness. For example, in the second to last paragraph you say, “…early as a child how to get along with other kids.” So be careful of these mistakes. Overall a very good myth that tied into the myths that we read very well.
You did a good job juxtaposing two very different kinds of people – the overly caring of others and the overly caring of oneself. But juxtaposing Penelope and Narcissus was effective and more interesting when one realizes that even after comparison. Penelope is also selfish under her self-less guide. She did not want Narcissus to be corrupted by the outside world, but she was also in fear of losing his love. This idea is best illustrated in this sentence: “She thought by keeping him inside and cut off from the outside world, she was doing him a favor and keeping herself at a low risk of losing her son.” This shows the great faults of Penelope as a mother – ironic due to her great effort in being a good one.
There are a lot of grammatical mistakes and sentences that do not quite make sense in your piece. For example, “This is often the case if one is not exposed early as a child how to get along with other kids, share toys, run around on the playground, and build strong bond together.” This sentence, among others, need to be reworked in order to make sense and be grammatically correct. I suggest thoroughly proof-reading or having someone else proof-read your piece before you post it.
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